I'm trying to learn how to love myself.

allo-mishamigos:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 
The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.
Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.
The End.

Date the waitress.

allo-mishamigos:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 

The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.

Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.

The End.

Date the waitress.

(via lucificious)

Notes
298272
Posted
1 day ago

leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

(via gotrnilk)

Notes
194696
Posted
1 day ago

Unknown (via unvocalise)

(via crunchier)

sometime the wrong choices bring you to the right places
Notes
3809
Posted
1 day ago